 "Photo: Photos courtesy of Sgt. Brian W. Quigley Jr.")
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Sitting in front of the computer in her Toms River home, Sue Waldron checks her e-mail, waiting to hear from her son, Sgt. Brian W. Quigley Jr. - a marine in the 4th Civilian Affairs Group currently stationed in Iraq.
The waiting has become a daily activity.
This summer, Brian - who was scheduled to begin his senior year at the University - changed units so he would be deployed to Iraq sooner. When Brian told her he made the decision to go to Iraq, Sue said she supported him, because it was what Brian wanted to do.
"When he was growing up, I always told all three of my children to pick a career that they loved and could do for 12-14 hours a day. I never imagined that Brian would pick a career that would require him to do 24/7," Sue said. "No mother wants her child to be in harm's way. ... He knows how much I hate him being in the military, but that doesn't mean I'm not proud of him."
A mother's intuition knows no boundaries. Nor does her love. However difficult it is to have her son serving in Iraq, Sue and other members of Brian's family have established a connection with him to last for the duration of his tour of duty.
Livingston College senior Sarika Desai, Brian's girlfriend for almost 20 months, wants people to know Brian's situation is not unique. Many people currently serving in Iraq, Sarika said, are just like Brian - young adults who, while serving for their country, are just hoping they can come home safely to be with the ones they love.
While it is necessary that his mind be on his work in Iraq, Brian still concentrates on his family in Toms River and friends at the University.
Their relationships have a special kind of trust that has been developed out of necessity. Brian depends on his loved ones to keep him in touch with those he had to leave behind, and they, in turn, trust him for information on how he is doing - which they do not get from watching the evening news.
The Decision to Go
After Sept. 11, 2001, Sue said she instinctively knew her son would be heading overseas.
"I knew that day he'd want to go," she said. "I'm surprised it took him three years after Sept. 11 to do it."
Brian was serving in the 3rd Battalion, 14th Marine Regiment in West Trenton, but he was anxious over having not yet been deployed, Sue said. On July 4, he told his mother he did not want another Independence Day to pass with him not having gone to Iraq.
Brian had decided in high school that he wanted a career in the military, and felt he needed combat experience in order to know for sure, Sue said.
Like others anxious for deployment, Brian transferred. He headed transferred to the 4th Civil Affairs Group, a unit based in Washington that was scheduled for mobilization.
Brian's father, Brian Quigley Sr. said he feels good knowing his son is in Iraq doing what he wants to do.
"I want him to be him," he said. "This is precisely what he wants to do in life. No matter what happens, he did what he wanted to do."
Brian was in the Platoon Leader Corps an officer-training program while attending Rutgers, and when the war broke out, his father said it pained his son to watch it on the news.
"He wanted to help," Quigley Sr. said, adding Brian's service is not an indication of his personal ideas regarding the war, but a dedication to the military and his fellow marines.
"The important thing for him is that the United States and the Marine Corps are [in Iraq]," he said. "Because he's a Marine, he's going to be there."
The decision has been very difficult for many people in Brian's life, but they have learned to accept it.
"[After Sept. 11] Brian said to me 'You better not be praying that I don't go,'" Sue said.
"It is difficult to be a mother of a Marine, but I do realize that it is more difficult for the wives and children, and my heart goes out to them," she said. "I've learned that Brian is no better or more important than anyone else's son or daughter."
When looking at the pictures he sent home, Sue said she knew her son made the right choice.
"I see in his eyes how excited he gets about his job," she said. "His eyes look like they're dancing."
Sarika said she knew there was always the possibility of him serving overseas when they first met. However, she said she was still surprised when Brian told her the news a few weeks before his deployment.
"That's what he wanted to do," she said. "Since he turned 8, it's been his dream to be in the United States Marine Corps."
Sarika, who will graduate in December, said Brian not being here for her last semester has been difficult, but she is adjusting.
"They say the first three months are the hardest," she said. "At first, I was pretty angry, then upset, but I'm getting used to it. It's taken me a while to be able to do everything normally again."
Not having the ability to talk to him every day has been difficult, Sarika said. "You learn to appreciate one-line e-mails through thinking of new things to send him. I keep in touch with him in those ways," she said. "You learn to deal with and accept that's all you can have with a person."
Establishing a Connection
Brian's family and friends communicate with him through e-mail, asking how he is doing over there and updating him on news back home.
"He wants to know how the family is doing in our regular life," Sue said. "He wants to know everyone is OK. He wants to know everything."
Brian's family and friends send him care packages a few times a week. They contain pictures, the funny sections from newspapers and other things to remind him of home.
"He just misses that connection," she said. "He can't hear our voice; we can't hear his. That's his connection."
Through e-mail correspondence with The Daily Targum, Brian said what he misses most are the people closest to him.
It appears Brian is just as concerned about how they are doing as they are with him. "When I first got here, I thought about being at school all the time. But now after a few months, you think about school a little less, but the thought of your family and friends stays the same. I think about them all the time," he said. "I think more about the stuff that my family and friends are doing rather than what I would be doing."
Because of the severity of the situation in Iraq, Sue said the family has made an agreement with Brian not to keep anything from him regarding the family. "He will trust us, and therefore we will trust him - if something happens - that he will tell us," she said.
But Sarika said the distance is still hard for him.
"He worries he's missing a lot," his girlfriend said. "He's afraid when he comes back, things will change."
A Fellow Scarlet Knight
By switching squads this summer, Brian, a criminal justice major, postponed his senior year of college.
Brian's graduation from boot camp was also cancelled due to Hurricane Floyd. However, Sue said her son did promise he would graduate from the University.
"I told him he keeps gypping me out of a graduation," she said. "It's important to a mom to attend a graduation, especially one who had to miss boot camp."
Sarika and Dan Theis, Brian's college roommate and best friend since seventh grade continuously update Brian's friends on campus on how he is doing.
"It sounds like such a cliché, but Brian really did know everyone," Sarika said. "Whenever I go out, there are always people asking me about him."
While not a part of any clubs, Brian was a dancer for Dance Marathon last year and was a referee for University intramurals.
Besides the New York Yankees, Brian also had another favorite sports pastime - the Rutgers Football Team.
"I am definitely keeping tabs on the football team," Brian said. "It's kind of nice that we have a winning team. It's just a shame that I can't be there to celebrate with everyone."
"It does help motivate you when [Sgt. Thomas Kilroy, a Rutgers alumnus also in 4th CAG,] and I can talk about the team and picture what it's like back at home when they win," he said.
This year's season also had a special significance for Brian's father, a Temple University graduate who, before the season started, had looked forward to last month's Homecoming game against his alma mater.
Brian's father had planned to attend the game with his son. "That day, I probably felt the worst because I knew we would have been there," he said.
Doing Good Things
CAG teams work with Iraqi citizens to provide reconstruction projects in areas of the country. The marines are assigned to what are termed "civil-military" operations.
Brian is stationed in Dam, located near the Euphrates River. "The scenery is beautiful," he said. "Some of the towns here are really nice. ... When the houses are on the river and the land is covered with palm trees, it looks pretty cool."
Brian said his unit is doing "a lot of good things over here," which most people do not see on the news.
"We are rebuilding a lot of the schools in this area. Some of the projects that we do provide the people with the capability to irrigate water to use for drinking and agriculture," Brian said. "We meet with the city council members and decide what the town needs most. Now, we are trying to start some employment generation projects."
The work has taken Brian away from the political situation back home, as he said he prefers not to think about politics, including the recent presidential election.
"I'm not following what is going on. We have our own elections here to deal with," Brian said. "I'd rather just focus on the things that are around me here, the politics that go on in Iraq."
The families of all the marines in Brian's unit keep in contact with each other about the developments of the unit.
The camaraderie gives Sue a new extended family to care for.
Sue has become a key volunteer in the unit, assigned to six families whom she helps with emotional support and other problems that may arise. "We take care of each other," she said.
Remembering They're
Over There
While Brian is scheduled to return in April, those closest to him are not thinking about that at the moment.
"You never know the situation over there," Sue said, adding Brian is the type of person who could volunteer for more service if he felt he was needed.
For now, Sue prays her son stays safe and tries to stay the course that includes its fair share of good days and bad.
"This is what Brian has chosen to do with his life," she said. "The rest of us need to find a way to deal with it and not let it get too stressful."
Sue said she wants people to recognize the good things the military is doing in Iraq, and offer the troops their support.
"I want people to remember they're over there," Sue said. "There are not a lot of yellow ribbons out there. Every house should have one."
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