I hate Valentine's Day.
The entire holiday makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't stand the color pink, seeing overweight couples cuddling on the bus makes me want to shoot myself, and I absolutely despise chocolates, especially the ones that come in the overpriced heart-shaped boxes.
Call me a Valentine's Day Scrooge, but how could anybody enjoy the second most over-commercialized holiday next to Christmas? At least Christmas discriminates, and not everyone celebrates it (thank god for non-Christians). Now my associate Josh Spielman may disagree with me and tell you something different, but then again Valentine's Day is a holiday that caters to his kind: the overtly friendly and flamboyant type (and by flamboyant I do not mean homosexual).
So where did this miserable excuse for a holiday originate? Rumor has it that Valentine's Day originated as a pagan holiday, but you may be surprised by the story behind its creation. Valentine's Day was originally celebrated right around the same time it is celebrated now, but the tradition behind it is nothing to give hugs and chocolate about. In pagan society, Valentine's Day meant that all the young girls in the society had to put their names in an emptied out boar's skull. Once all the names were put in, each guy in the society would take turns picking a name out of the severed head, and whatever name they got had to be their lover - for all eternity. Sounds cute, right? Wrong. If there were more women than men in the society - which there often were - the names left in the stinky cranium would be taken out and read publicly. Whosever name was then read was considered unsuitable for marriage, and they would be raped and sacrificed in front of the entire community. In addition, their bodies would remain in the town square until wild boars would show up to feed on the decaying flesh. The first boar that wandered into the town to feast would be beheaded and his skull would be saved and used for the next year's festivities.
All right, that all may have been a bit of an exaggeration, but there is some truth behind it. So why else do I hate Valentine's Day? I am glad you ask. Valentine's Day as we know it today, not the bloody tradition of the past, really started when Mr. Hallmark decided that he could make a killing selling mediocre yet expensive chocolates, singing cards and disgustingly cute stuffed animals. Rose prices nearly quadruple the week of Feb. 14, and you can't walk into any store without seeing the nauseating holiday colors. Mr. Spielman may write off my hatred toward the holiday as a grudge due to a failed love life, but this has nothing to do with it. Last Valentine's Day was the first time I celebrated the holiday single in four years, and I can honestly say I enjoyed it more than any other Valentine's Day in the past - except for the lack of sex.
I really can't speak for the females, but as a guy, whether you're single or in a relationship, Valentine's Day blows. If you are lucky enough to find yourself with a beautiful dame - or even a not-so-beautiful dame - you know that Valentine's Day is really more about her than you. Feb. 14 is a day when your money magically disappears out of your black leather wallet and is exchanged for flowers, chocolates, expensive dinners and, if you are really lucky, condoms and KY personal lubricant. I feel like when women got the right to vote, men really dropped the ball. Thanks to Valentine's Day, reverse sexism will live on forever.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not a hermit who scowls at the sunlight or the laughter of children. I am actually a pretty happy and easy-going guy (not to mention quite a stud if I do say so myself, just check out my picture on the front of yesterday's Targum). My hatred has nothing to do with a lack of women in my life, well maybe recently, but it goes far deeper than that as I have described.
So look for me today looking pissed off and creeping around every corner with a camera, shooting the happy couples and sticking up my middle finger as they pass by. And if you are lucky enough, maybe you and your miserable significant other will end up on the front page of tomorrow's paper. So guys, waste your money on chocolate and other crap. And girls, enjoy the pampering and give your dates what they really want, because thank god, this miserable holiday only comes once a year.
-Dan Bracaglia is the photography editor of The Daily Targum and supports the slaughter of innocent dolphins. You can e-mail him your affection at photo@dailytargum.com.
What is the one time of year a guy can wear his heart on his sleeve and not be afraid of repercussions from "emotion-phobic" Neanderthals? Contrary to popular belief among males, it is not March Madness. It is Valentine's Day.
Most men associate Valentine's Day with breaking out their wallet and suit to pay for an overpriced meal and dole out unnecessary gifts for their significant others. But on the other hand, men are often breaking out their wallets during March Madness as well, but I am going to go out on a limb here and say their Valentine's Day bets are more of a sure thing or at least have better odds for a bigger payout (if my girlfriend is reading this, you owe me).
I am not one to say that men should be required to pay a certain amount or are expected to buy certain things. Far from it. Valentine's Day is a special holiday that allows you to spend time with somebody you care about and show them how you feel. Not to mention, you can learn a lot about the person you are with or wish to be with by figuring out what he or she expects out of the day. If you and your Valentine both want to get all dolled up, have a nice dinner and catch a Broadway play, go for it. But if you are not the type to get all dolled up and pull out all the stops and the one you are with appreciates the takeout, movie and quality time, then that is just as good.
Personally, I can't wait to take my girlfriend, Amy, out to dinner and enjoy her company as we make fun of every other couple around us.
It is a time to appreciate the person you are with and/or want to be with by learning or relearning what it was you liked about that person in the first place.
Many naysayers, such as my esteemed colleague, Dan Bracaglia, believe every day should be an opportunity to remind your significant you care. You shouldn't need one allotted 24-hour period to express your feelings. I agree, but Valentine's Day provides an opportunity for those who may not have another chance or reason to break the ice with someone they admire.
Then again, Dan creepily lurks in dark corners photographing those in love because he can't find someone to love him and his camera equally. If that doesn't break the ice, I don't know what will.
And for those of you looking for a photographer willing to work on Valentines Day, Dan covers everything from Bar Mitzvahs to engagement parties, and I assure you he is free today.
I am not Cupid. Although, I have bumped into him a couple times by the Grease Trucks, and I think he would agree with me that there is nothing better than a fat sandwich and Valentine's Day.
Like Cupid, I know it is a day most girls, including my own girlfriend, look forward to. Personally, knowing she is excited about the day and that I can make it special for her makes it worth it because I love her (see there baby, I said it in print, I love you).
Now do I still have to get you a present? I digress.
Not to mention the fact that it is ever so amusing to watch your significant other hop up and down begging to know what you got him or her on Valentine's day. To me, half of the fun is the fact that my girlfriend is that much more eager and excited about the day because she doesn't know what she is getting and really wants to know. When I finally give her the gifts I have painstakingly picked out for her I know that she will be happy and that is reason enough for me.
And, if you want to look at it from a strictly male point of view, you can remember it may be important to your significant other to wear your heart on your sleeve and pull out all the stops on Feb. 14. If it is, it won't be forgotten and your significant other might pull out all the stops for you on a day you find meaningful. It might just make him or her that much more eager to share in your March Madness traditions.
So Amy here's to you, enjoy this day. I love you so much and I can't wait to see your face painted scarlet and white for March Madness.
And to Dan, bask in your peace and quiet sir, and if you get tired of "That '70s Show" reruns and flat soda, have no fear because I will gloat to you all about my Valentine's Day exploits in the office Sunday.
- Josh Spielman is the associate sports editor and is only writing this sappy pro-Valentines Day article to get laid. If you'd like to inquire about the above offer, you can reach him at sports@dailytargum.com, ask for Dane.
