 "Photo: Nicole Lewis/Staff Photographer")
Toi Derricotte, author of "The Black Notebooks" and "Tender" and winner of the 1998 Paterson Poetry Prize, read her poetry at the Rutgers Student Center on the College Avenue campus Thursday as part of the Writers at Rutgers Series.
Derricotte, whose themes concentrate on issues of black identity and race, said at the beginning of her presentation she felt a sense of community speaking at Rutgers. New Jersey "has special meaning," said Derricotte, since she began publishing her poetry when she lived in the state.
"When I moved here, I moved away from my family and began to see myself in a new context," Derricotte said. She said she and her husband were the first black family in Upper Montclair, and she faced race and prejudice in the community.
Derricotte discussed her personal dilemmas and emotions and said she entered a deep depression while living in the state. In order to overcome her emotional turmoil, it was necessary to understand "what part of me hated itself that much that I wanted to kill me... I [had to] to look at my buried, deepest secrets."
Derricotte read several pieces from her published collections as well as her latest unpublished poetry. Many of the poems she read dealt with the social challenges of black women. She said she often uses race as a metaphor when discussing the self. When referring to "The Black Notebooks," which took her 25 years to compile, Derricotte said, "This book doesn't have an answer. It isn't five easy steps to free yourself [from racial issues]."
During the reading, Derricotte incorporated comedy into her presentation and encouraged audience participation and feedback. She also asked students to relate how they would handle a specific situation concerning racial prejudice.
Following the reading, the audience engaged in a question-answer session with Derricotte. "For me, part of me doing what I am doing is trying to find a voice for ... what I was told not to do or shouldn't do, couldn't do," she said. Derricotte said she is drawn to writing about identity since "the deeper part of me is trying to figure out something."
Derricotte discussed her obstacles in writing "The Black Notebooks" and said it was frightening working on the collection because it brought about a great deal of introspection. These feelings "helped me to see myself in terms of my own conflicted feelings as a black person and part of a really terrifying history," she said. "The whole point of 'The Black Notebooks' was that I had to talk about the world, not only what was out there but what was inside." Derricotte said she is happy to write and present her works. "When I stand up here, it is an act of resistance."
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