March 23, 2019 | 30° F

Valentines Day Cheat Sheet


What’s worse than having a crush? Working up the courage to do something about it. Making a move is scary, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it fun. Use these sneaky-sweet tips to grab his or her attention and we promise, they won’t be able to resist you!

Use Your Authority 
Nothing is worse than getting a parking ticket, but the one you give will be a pleasant surprise. On the windshield of their car, leave a "ticket" explicitly addressing their “fine” i.e. letting you take them out on a date.  

Make them Bubbly
Nab a bottle of Orange Crush soda and a black sharpie. Cross out the “Orange," and write "I HAVE" above the “Crush” and a "YOU" below it. That way it reads: "I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU".  Don’t worry, you won’t come off as thirsty... just make sure they see your message instead of thinking you’re just handing them a free drink.

Survey Says…
Embrace the age of digital flirtation. E-Mail a self-made questionnaire to your prospective boo, and ask questions regarding their favorite places to go, things to eat, movies to watch, campus spots to occupy, etc. For the final question, ask if they’d be willing to have you treat them to a good time at one of their favorite hot spots. Whether they answer yes or no, be sure to thank them anyway for their participation. 

Special Delivery
The best way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. Order a pizza pie — bonus points if you include their favorite toppings — and personalize it with a message. Yes, this may seem like an overdone tactic, but not if you include out-of-the-box phrases. Some suggestions: "You make me feel gooey inside," or  "I want a pizza you." Don’t worry if what you say comes off as cheesy — the one you want will eat it up, guaranteed. 

Picture This
Movies get a lot of criticism for depicting so called unrealistic expectations of relationships, but they actually serve as the perfect inspiration for this next move, first portrayed in the film "Love Actually". To pull off this romantic antic, head to the nearest mall, pop in a photo booth, and using decent sized poster boards, have each snapshot display the following message: "To Me…You…Are…Perfect." Leave it at their front door or slip it underneath. Be sure to get the approval of their roommates for adding your own twist to the well-known scene.

Go Old Fashioned…In Style
What better way to articulate your love than to write a letter? Pour your heart out on the page, but instead of sticking it to any old envelope — place it in a bottle instead. Top it with a cap or cork to keep your words safe and dry. Go the extra mile and place the bottled message in their sink; fill the sink with water for an added effect, and be prepared for the tsunami of affection headed your way. 

How Sweet
If you’re really on the shy side, there’s no reason why you have to tell someone directly that they give you butterflies. Use food to flirt! 

Set up a riddle on their table using these household items:

What You’ll Need: An apple, fake eyeball
What It Implies: You are the apple of my eye.

What You’ll Need: A box of donuts would be best, but one would suffice as well; be sure to take a bite out of each, that way none are left completely whole.
What to Say: I am incomplete without you. You donut understand how much you mean to me. 

What You’ll Need: Sugar Packets
What to Do: Use them to spell out the following: "It would be really sweet if you let me take you out sometime." 

Here are an additional 14 ways to show your interest— and spark theirs, this February 14th. 

  • Set something on fire and tell them that that is how they make you feel inside. 
  • Sweep them off their feet by smacking their shoes with a broom.
  • Hire a mime to do the talking for you.
  • Train a pigeon to fly into their window in the morning, that way they don’t miss their 8 a.m. class after snoozing their alarm.
  • Offer to pay their tuition.
  • Take them to class by commandeering a Rutgers bus when the driver decides to leave the vehicle for 12 years at the Student Center stop. 
  • Use toothpaste to draw a heart on their mirror, but be sure to leave it that way so it stays forever.
  • Cover their bed in flowers. Offer to do their laundry when they die and leave plant stains.
  • Ask if they’d like to help you plan a robbery, over dinner of course.
  • Attach a love poem to a burrito. 
  • Tell them that you can’t breathe without them. Stop breathing. 
  • Surprise them with a hug that doesn’t end. No, seriously. Don’t let go. 
  • Give them a calendar with a marker. Have them circle all the days that they’re free that month to hang out.
  • Confess that you have fallen for them. Upon which, you fall on them. 
  • Hold a dollar bill to their face and ask if they, too, are single.

Christina Colon

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