September 18, 2018 | ° F

Turn your room into your own personalized paradise over break


ibbedroomdimitri


Curse the spring break gods for taking one good look at your slim bank account balance and laughing. Once again, you have somehow found yourself stuck at home. After a delightful nap in your childhood bed and cruise on Instagram, it finally sinks in. While your best friends are splashing around in paradise and taking advantage of the tiki bar’s unlimited refills, you’ve somehow been rotated back into doing household chores.

Fear not, anxious ones — as the old saying goes, "If you can’t join them, beat them." While your fellow land-locked Rutgers peers use their stay-cation spring break to “get ahead of schoolwork” or “hit the gym,” you know better. While the powers above can withhold a plane ticket, no one can take away your island state of mind. In the spirit of the holiday, here are some tips to help you transform your bedroom into the personal oasis you deserve. Take heed, and take note — we’ve got some rays to catch.

Island Rules:

- As a private beach, trespassing is not permitted, so shout at the neighbors if they get too close to the window.

- While this is generally not a human-friendly beach, wildlife is always welcome. Buster the dog and Felix the cat, this means you.

- Only oceanic movies allowed — "Blue Crush," "Titanic," "Lilo & Stitch," "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "Jaws" and "Castaway" are recommended.

- Since you’re in a different tropical time zone, there is no need to acknowledge family members banging on your door and insisting you help with dinner.

- Servants must report in uniform (pressed polo shirt tucked into khaki shorts) whenever beckoned via text message, bringing one’s chilled beverage of choice. This is the perfect career opportunity for younger siblings to begin resume building.

Beach Supplies:

- Bags of sand, best applied by dousing the entire floor to get the full beach effect.

- Towels for morning sandbar yoga.

- Kiddie pool, perfect for afternoon dips for you and the beloved wildlife.

- Ukulele, to strike out seaside tunes at sunset.

- Excellent self-tanner, because hey, nobody needs to know that you never left New Jersey. 


Janine Puhak

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