September 22, 2018 | ° F

How to respond to creepers: Facebook edition


creeper


It all started at the ripe age of 14. I'm just minding my own business —  scrolling through my news feed — then BOOM, a Facebook creeper chats me. This happens way too often, and I believe it is now my duty to give some tips on how to make them scram. 

1. Tell them you're moving to Canada

Some guy that I never spoke to in my life randomly said, "I feel like I can open up you." What? That is off the charts creepy. I immediately felt the need to flee to a different country. Therefore, I said I'm moving to Canada and I never heard from that person ever again — thank goodness. 

2. Tell them you got shampoo in your eyes

Creeper number two asked me to evaluate his face, I am not lying — I swear. I simply said, "I'd rather get shampoo in my eyes so I don't have to look." Did it work? Why, yes it did. You know you're fed up when you would rather have your eyes burn from hair products.

3. Send very odd pictures or symbols

I remember in the 8th grade some guy I didn't know was nagging me to death to come over and "chill," and he casually threw in that his parents weren't home. Gee, I wonder what that's suppose to mean. My solution you ask? I sent him several pictures of Elmo. He responded, "Wtf?" — mission accomplished. 


Nicolette Accardi

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