Say goodbye to Tinder, swipe left instead of talking to freaks


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The raunchiest app known to mankind is Tinder — there, I said it. It was all rainbows and lollipops in the beginning, but now it's just ratchet and needs to go take a hike. 

When it first came out everyone raved about it, so of course I had to join to see what all the hype was about. Some of the experiences I've had on this so called "dating app" are very questionable, to say the very least. To give you a little sneak peak, it involved a lot of creeps dropping strange lame pick-up lines and some guy asking me if I have any figs. Yes, someone asked me if I have any figs. I will elaborate later, don't you worry. 

Tinder is basically a virtual, wild college party. All people want to do on that app is hookup. Sure, there are a few people on there looking to not just hookup and ghost you, but that percentage seems rather small. Getting ghosted may sound upsetting, but trust me, sometimes it's for the best. 

I swiped right to this guy that looked pretty darn nice — but looks can be very deceiving. Everything started out with nice, casual small talk, but then out of no where this guy had the audacity to ask me, "Are you a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets?" My jaw dropped, I deleted Tinder for the day and then I went to go get a taco so I could reflect on how much bad luck I have in my life. 

I'm most definitely not the only victim. Don't you worry, I have proof.

Margaux Taylor, a School of Arts and Sciences junior, has Tinder horror stories that could probably go on for hours.

"I went on a date with this guy and he looked nothing like his picture, but I'm not about to bail so we go to the restaurant and my friends sit in an adjacent table to make sure that I don't get murdered, but of course they can tell I'm not feeling it so they start pointing at me and laughing," Taylor said. "I go to the bathroom and then come back, and since my friends are still pointing and saying weird stuff I couldn't handle it anymore and start cracking up."

You thought that was awkward? Just wait.

"He looks like he is about to cry then tells me, not asks me, that we are going to get dessert somewhere else," Taylor said."We go and it's so awkward and we don't have much to talk about so I make up an excuse to leave."

Still scarred from previous endeavors, I took a hiatus for a few a months. When finally deciding to come back, I would say the most infamous incident occurred — the fig incident. 

I was enjoying a nice, leisurely night when all of a sudden some wacky dude drops the line, "Hey, do you have any figs?" 

At this point I am not shocked that somebody asked me since I am well aware that Tinder is full of freakzoids. I said, "I got some rad Fig Newtons in the kitchen cabinet." He then went  on to say he needs real figs and got pretty pissed off. I suppose he just had some sort of fig fetish. 

To sum up Tinder, it is mostly a big pile of desperate people that basically just want to get freaky. 

"Boys can be so desperate," Taylor said. "They are willing to take you places, buy you expensive things, drive hours to see you — literally anything for the possibility of a kiss."

I am all for a petition for Tinder to get banned, but who knows? You might get lucky and pick a needle out of a hay stack. 


Nicolette Accardi

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