The Cheyenne Hour: Cut Ya Gurl a Check or Get Cut Off — Being POC in the Sugar Bowl
Let’s all take a look at the Sugar Bowl. The “Sugar Bowl” is a term for a community of sugar providers and sugar babies. A sugar provider, also informally known as a “glucose guardian” via the definition of sugar daddy, is a “well-to-do usually older (individual) who supports or spends lavishly on a girlfriend, mistress or boyfriend” (sugar daddy, n.d.).
A sugar baby is the recipient of the lavish spending by said glucose guardian who provides companionship, which could be represented in the form of sexual favors, platonic relations, etc. Being a sugar baby comes with a lot of s**t, especially if you’re a person of color (POC), also known as a brown sugar baby.
Like I said previously, being black is a full-time job with mandatory overtime, so it’s to be expected that being a person of color in the Sugar Bowl is just as laborious. I know y’all have some questions about this, so I’m going to break this whole thing down into pieces so it’s easier to digest.
Firstly, I just want to note that Rutgers has a growing group of students who participate in sugaring. There are 317 Rutgers students who have signed up for SeekingArrangement.com, a well-known sugaring website, according to NJ.com. Despite the amount of Rutgers students with accounts being disproportionate to the amount of students at the school, SeekingArrangement.com still lists the University as one of its growing schools.
As a POC sugar baby going to this school, you would think that less people in your area would give you more of a chance of finding a sugar provider … that is false.com. I did my own social and personal experiment to see what the site was about and I’m here to sum up my experiences.
1. Most sugar daddy profiles, especially those of white males, say that they either don’t want African American women, fat women or both. They all mostly follow up with “sorry, you’re all beautiful, but you’re just not my type. I prefer slim, white/Asian women.” Sorry buddy, but there’s a difference between being outright sizeist and racist and having a preference.
2. The sugar providers that do seek black sugar babies will almost always fetishize the s**t out of you. I was once told that my skin was “a glowing shade of caramel” and that “he’s never dated a black girl and would love for me to be his first experience.” Totally problematic, but I will save this topic for another article.
3. You’re going to like the odd person out at first until you accept that even the Sugar Bowl is far from being decolonized.
4. As a person of color, you will be the subject of many cultural, self-help tips articles on the site such as the “ ‘Brown Sugar’ Baby Guide” which talks about how to avoid being “ghetto fabulous” and basically assimilate to white beauty standards. They’re basically telling you to ditch the braids and trade in your wigs for whiteness, boo.
5. There are also “Salt Providers” as well — basically broke-ass wolves in affluent sheep’s clothing. They will say anything and everything to get you to fall for their scams without fulfilling their part of the financial bargain.
6. Most of these individuals are attached (i.e. married or have a significant other), so bear in mind that you will be playing with moralistic fire.
Here is an accurate depiction of my reaction to all the negativity in the Sugar Bowl:
I want to put this out there: for those of y’all who are interested in doing this, if you do not take rejection well, or you’re like me, a radical feminist who refuses to keep their mouth shut in the face of patriarchy, this ain’t the route for you to take.
There are a lot of rude-ass, misogynistic and racist-ass people in the bowl. Please be mindful that the more money people have, the more likely they are to be blinded by their privileges.
This being said, these people feel like they can say or do whatever they want based on having the money that you’re seeking. Just know that you don’t have to subject yourself to the bulls**t. If you are still considering staying in the bowl, then remember to keep your eye on the prize and cut that C H E C K, honey!
If they can’t give you what you want or want to shortchange you for their own personal gain, then it is best for you to cut them off and keep it moving. You’re here for diamonds not cubic zirconia.
Lastly, there is a lot of social justice work that needs to be done within the Sugar Bowl. The forecast is cloudy with a chance of oppression, and we need more individuals who will accept their privileges, find ways to not perpetuate it and be prepared to brave the storms of the intersections of race, socioeconomic status and gender in order to decolonize the community.
Also, we need to stop shaming people, mostly women, for engaging in this lifestyle. In every relationship, consent is paramount, and we shouldn’t call these women demeaning names, such as “gold digger,” if they and their sugar providers have both consented to an arrangement with each other. There are multiple sides to every story and we need to stop “the opportunistic woman” rhetoric.
In short, I need y’all to remember how beautiful and important you are, and no amount of money will ever change that. Keep doing what you’re doing, stay moisturized and continue to slay!