Stuck in phone booth: ‘It’s all good’

What would it be like to feel fulfilled? To have this experience of radiant warmth where you appreciate the completeness of the moment? What would it take to feel that kind of inner peace, this serene sense of universal perfection?
Humans are a funny species. So few of us look inside to determine our own paths, counting instead on the direction and successes of others to slowly move us toward one objective or another. We hold ourselves to certain standards. We judge others. We meet, exceed or fail our expectations. Each of us believes we hold the truth, that key to right and wrong. We hurt. We love. We cry. We learn. We adapt. We continue on.
Our world is one of tension: international, political, religious, academic, interpersonal, physical. You name it, and it stresses somebody. Every once in a while, we come across a bright spot — a feeling of incredible connectedness with humanity and the universe, as if life is hard, we’re in this together and everyone deserves more love and more hugs.
Think for a minute about how hard it is to connect with somebody. You are trapped in a body. You can think, feel, do and speak, but until someone invents a technology where we can share minds, your thoughts and feelings will forever remain barred from direct expression. Simultaneously, you are so much more than your thoughts, emotions, actions and words. Even the people closest to you have only known you for a small fraction of your life. You may even live with them, but they are still only experiencing a tiny part of you. Only you have been with yourself at every moment of your life. Everyone else gets small fragments.
Whenever you communicate, people do not know what you think. They do not experience what you feel. They do not have your life history. All they have to go on are your words and actions. To complicate your message, people filter what you say and what you do through their own thoughts, feelings, words, actions and life experiences. It is profoundly moving that we understand each other to the small degree we can.
Yet this human condition is tremendously sad. Think about being alone in a telephone booth. The closest you can ever be to someone is to maybe move your booth next to theirs, and touch both of your hands to the same place on each of your glass panes. If you are fortunate, you dial the right combination and connect with someone on a deep emotional basis. But you will never leave the booth. You are one mind. You will never be more than one mind. You are alone.
Alone, and also together, because this predicament is part of what it is to be human. Each of us is stuck inside a telephone booth. Each of us wants to be understood — that is the core of emotional intimacy. Because we can never leave the booth, we can only occupy one perspective: our own. We hold onto our judgments, our opinions and our notions of right and wrong. Some of us cling to them because it is scary to let go ... because what would your world be like if you did not draw lines, create expectations and uphold standards?
Should you let go? I do not know what works for you. Here’s what happened to me. Once I realized that people not only experience a small sliver of who I am but also do it through their own lens, I stopped taking things personally. Suddenly I understood that each of us is merely an external stimulus in the lives of others. I am sort of like a rock, only more interesting; I push certain feel-good and feel-bad buttons in others. Where those buttons came from and what pushes them has nothing to do with me and everything to do with that person’s identity. Likewise, anyone who interacts with me is, on some level, a walking set of triggers for my own thoughts and emotions.
My reactions to outside stimuli — whether people or rocks — have everything to do with who I am at the core and nothing to do with who those other people are at the core. Your doubts, insecurities, fears and tendencies that other people’s actions or words trigger for you have exactly zero to do with those people and everything to do with you. Same thing with other people — what comes up for others is all about them. What comes up for you is all about you.
Wow. Do you know what that means? For me, that idea meant freedom: freedom from becoming too attached to outcomes in the lives of others, freedom to look inward and examine my own buttons to try to understand how to rewire them to work better, and freedom to respect the journey that others are traveling. We are all engaged in this process called life. For some, that journey is harder and longer. For others, it is easier and shorter. Some people focus on specific outcomes. Others let go and enjoy the ride. Some detach. Others aim high. It’s all good.
Your life is yours alone. You may share your time, your body, or your stories, but the connections you make will never be a product of the one thing we want to share the most — our inner self. Sometimes we lose sight of that.
Take a minute to imagine experiencing a profound sense of tranquility and a deep appreciation for being exactly where you need to be. Feel what it would be like to be at one with the universe. Understand that being a human is hard. Recognize that each of us needs more love. Share your gifts freely to the best extent you can. And remember the words of the legendary philosopher Plato, who once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Nimrod Grinvald wishes you all the best on your life journey. If you got positive vibes from this article, he wants to hear from you. He can be reached at ngrinvald@gmail.com.