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Daily review:?laurels and darts


Who you gonna call? Stressbusters! If you weren’t expecting that, you’re going to love this: our lovely University has arranged for a team of happy, hands-on trainers to beat stress. Students and staff will promote healthy behavior, calm and connect with support services, and rub our backs. I know I want my free quiet time. The atrium was too noisy, anyway. A laurel goes to the soft hands of strangers during finals week, when nothing really matters anyway.

“How many people are on here because Facebook is down?” tweeted a disgruntled techie. Yesterday proved a sad, sad day for Internet junkies. First Gmail, then Google Drive, then Facebook crashed for a few minutes around 6 p.m. Tragically, these pillars spilled over into Twitter, Tumblr, etc. as users grappled for answers in the abyss. A frustrated student body darts the blackout. Rainy Mondays are made for social networking.

Aaaah! Mfffaarrrg! Bluuuuh! Wrestling should really be considered the fifth romance language. Really though, those sweaty heads deserve a decorated laurel for their 6-0 streak and Rider-Princeton defeats last Saturday. Freshman heavyweight Billy Smith destroyed his underdog status in a 9-0 shutout against Greg Velesco of Rider, followed by Princeton’s Charles Fox, 13-1. ‘Tis the season for our University’s success.

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