September 22, 2019 | 77° F

Week in review: Laurels and Darts



Hooshang Amirahmadi — say that three times fast. But really, this prestigious professor from the Edward J. Bloustein School of Planning and Public Policy now has a pretty good shot at becoming the president of Iran. Confidently, we laurel his efforts, and throw our support behind him.


Queen of Peace High School of northern Jersey asked girls, but not boys, to take a no-cursing pledge. I’m sorry, but are we still living in 1912? Disgustingly, the principal, Brother Larry, unintelligently suggested that girls have “the foulest language.” Male pupils did not take a vow, and were not taught any equivalent “boy” moral code. Whatever that means. This dart colorfully counters inequality and gender profiling.


Groundhog Day came and went this year. Good thing, too. We hate it when it goes on, and on, and on. Anyway, Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, therefore we laurel his sleepy head for crawling outside and checking so complacently. We’re already packing for spring break.


A winter storm that coughs up two feet of snow, presumably cancels plans, and achieves national attention … named Nemo? Surely, you’re thinking of the famous omni-flippered clownfish stuck in an Australian dentist’s office. Meteorologists are really having fun with the name game; up next: “Orko,” “Plato,” and the ultra-concise “Q”. We still give Nemo a dart though (the storm, not our favorite fish).


Beyonce’s halftime show at the Superbowl wowed us all on Sunday night. Her entire career seems electrified now. Barchi, take note: we are easily swayed by tight leather-clad celebs and trippy electronic visuals. We’ll laurel the next University press conference that features an LED lightshow.


Silly facility managers, you know not to mess with the press: in place of our missing “RUSH DT” flag outside the office, we present you with a dart. We worked hard on our masterpiece, and we’d like it hung up again to recruit for the 145th editorial board. Our peaceful display of spirit shouldn’t be hidden!

By The Daily Targum

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