If your bank account looks sad, go thrift shopping

I felt a strong urge to buy clothes today, so I checked my bank account balance this morning — I saw my debit card balance and a tear rolled slowly down my face. Let's just say I'm not buying anything nice for awhile. As I almost nearly lost consciousness, a light bulb went off in my head: I can ball on a budget and go thrift shopping. 

I looked up some thrift shops nearby on my phone because I'm ultra tech savy, and discovered that there is a small shop on a side street off of College Avenue called Holy Shirt Thrift Shop. I've never heard of it in my life, but why not give it a go?

A bus ride later on the EE and a long walk past a bunch of idiots, I find myself standing in front of 14 Stone Street. At first I'm very confused, because the building looked like a church — I'm thinking, "I didn't come here to pray, I came here to shop" — even though I probably should pray with the way my life is going. I peak inside and what do you know? There's the thrift shop. 

Not going to lie, the shop is very crammed and small and is probably not for you if you have claustrophobia — wait a minute, what was I doing there? As I shuffled through all the clothes while feeling like my lungs were going to fail and like the walls were closing in, I found some pretty flippin' sweet finds — yes, that was a Napoleon Dynamite reference.  

I went through the women's selection first, and it was not exactly up to par. I have two words to describe it: It sucked. I was flabbergasted. I did not want to leave empty handed, so I shifted over to the men's section. I am all for that unisex dressing life. 

I was pleasantly surprised to find some nifty clothes I would actually leave the house in. I found a rad, white Ralph Lauren long-sleeve shirt (oh designer, so fancy), a gray Ralph Lauren corduroy jacket (oh so fancy again) and a dark gray button-down from Barneys New York. Damn, I'm going to be fancy living once I put on those designer duds. 

Some people may be grossed out by wearing used clothes, but you know, they make washing machines for a reason. I say wear it and don't even think about what kind of person could have had it on. 

I figured I'd check out the shoe section while I'm at it, just to take a peak, but I would never put on someone's used, grimy shoes. Sorry, but I am not trying to get foot fungus. They even sell used underwear at this store. Damn, this place has no limits. Once again, sorry, but I'm not trying to catch anything. 

They also have a kids section at the shop if you enjoy dressing up in children's clothing — hey, what you do in your spare time is none of my business.

I finally checked out and it all came out to only $14. Say what? If that isn't a bargain I don't know what is. I never in my life would have thought Ralph Lauren would cost under $20. I'm patting myself on the back because I am a stellar money saver.

I walked out of the store with my bag full of clothes and they all flew out of my bag — I think it's time to go to bed.