ESCHLEMAN: Societal standards heavily impact body image issues
Column: Shower Thoughts
In high school, I was a three-season distance runner for cross country and track, so weight lifting was not the focus when it came to my training. I really only had the time to lift some weights in the summer, and then I would go back to strictly focusing on running. But when I came to college, I was determined to focus on the opposite.
I wanted to lift a lot of weights and filter in some cardio here and there, which is what I have been doing. My workout split is push (focusing on chest, shoulders, triceps) for one day, pull (focusing on back and biceps) the next day and then lastly focusing on legs following that. I follow this rotation six days a week, and I have been seeing results.
I can now bench press more than 100 pounds, and my goal is to squat 200 pounds or as close to that as possible by the end of the semester. Fingers crossed. It has been really fulfilling to experience this new level of strength that I have never had before.
I am able to do new exercises and incrementally increase the weight I have been using. And as a result, I can see that my arms and legs are becoming more and more muscular. But while I feel very fulfilled and proud, I also must admit that I have felt a bit hesitant.
Whenever I see a little more muscle, I cannot help but remember comments that I have in the past. Men have said things like, “Oh, I would never date a girl who was really bulky” and “Really muscular body types are not attractive on girls.”
I have also heard comments from women that make me self-conscious about lifting. Things like, “I want to go to the gym, but I do not want to get too bulky. Guys do not like that” and “I mainly want to lose weight, not really gain muscle."
Ultimately, the goal is to embody the epitome of American beauty standards. You know, slim waist, flat stomach, thin arms and somehow perfectly voluptuous curves but definitely not too voluptuous. I know that I do not need to tell you that all of these things are not attainable, but at the beginning of high school, I really tried to achieve that ideal body type.
At 14 years old, I monitored everything I ate. I had to make sure all the ingredients were healthy and that the calories were not too high. I tried not to snack and became conscious of my portions. And this may sound like I was trying to be healthy, but it was not. It was toxic.
I was working out twice a day, running and taking classes at the gym for the ultimate cardio overload. I gave myself a stress fracture in my shin from exercising so much, and I was miserable.
I felt immense guilt every time I ate something I deemed unhealthy. So clearly, I was not going down a good path. Luckily, I snapped out of this vicious cycle before it became too serious, but still, the experience sheds light on an important issue.
I so badly wanted to embody the ideal body type. I wanted to be skinny, and I was willing to make my life miserable to achieve it. And to be honest, I was not happy with the results. It simply would never be enough. I would never be skinny enough.
Now that I have started lifting, I am actually happy with the results because becoming muscular is attainable when you put in the work. And in order to grow those muscles, you need to eat!
I make sure to eat three meals a day packed with protein and other valuable nutrients, and I eat snacks in between, too. I do not feel guilty. I want to acknowledge that sometimes I still struggle with feeling guilty about treating myself with sweets here and there, but I have made so much progress.
Ultimately, I have realized that weight lifting is my way of standing up to the toxic beauty standards that made my life miserable and drained me of my self-esteem. I have reclaimed power by striving for strength and actually being able to enjoy the benefits.
Weightlifting may not be for everyone, and that is totally okay. It can also feed into dangerous eating and exercising behaviors, and it is important to acknowledge that.
People need to be careful with their bodies and mental health when it comes to exercise. I think people should find their own way of standing up to societal expectations of what they should look like. Personally, I do not want to eat solely lettuce seven days a week, so I can try to get a flat stomach that boys may or may not give me attention for.
I want to be muscular. I want to be strong. I want to surprise people, and I want to walk into the gym and feel excited and proud.
Sara Eschleman is a Rutgers Business School first-year majoring in marketing and minoring in English. Her column, "Shower Thoughts," runs on alternate Thursdays.
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